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Lorraine, I Will Hunt You Down

15 Apr

There’s been a quiche qatastrophe and I’m ready to burn the whole damn qitchen down

I hate qooking! And it hasn’t gotten easier with time, maturity or acquisition of know-how.

Quiche – a savory open-faced pastry dish filled with cheese, meat, fish or vegetables

It’s supposed to be a no-brainer, easy-bake, fail-proof recipe.

Who is Lorraine and where can I find her?

I want to qick her in the qeester.

 

First, there was the pan-searing of the turkey breast

Fire alarm number one.

Second was the cutting of red bell pepper

That happened to be in the same bag as the jalapeno pepper end, I touched my eye

I will not say more.

Third, was beating the egg and milk mixture in a bowl that was too small

Yolks that wouldn’t mix ended up mostly on the counter.

Spinach, shredded old cheddar, crumbled feta, pepper and a dash of salt

Mmmmmmmmmmmm

Too much mixture for one pie but not enough for two

Beat another egg. Top it off and set on tray.

Into the oven forgot the mushrooms.

Quick! Wash, scrub, slice and dice

Yank pan out of oven, oops spill some egg out the edges

place mushrooms just so. Presentation is everything!

 

Fire alarms two through infinity followed.

 

An old bake pan that qrickled and qraned

Twisting and torquing, my quiches roiling from side to side

Drip

drip

drip went the egg mix

Billowing smoke, screaming alarm and panicky dogs

Pulling the pan from the oven, slopping more egg and milk

More smoke

More stench

Add panicky qats

Qritters running up and down stairs

Frantic flapping at the smoke detector then, in final frustration and fury

Ripping it clean from the ceiling.

 

“I HATE LORRAINE!”

Did you hear me Lorraine?

I will hunt you down

I will make you eat my qrispy quiche

 

My qonfidence is quashed

I qowered in my own qitchen

Another spectacular failure.

 

But I love to bake

Qookies.

Chocolate chip oatmeal and qoqonut qookies

Perfect pitch golden brown

Perhaps I made my home economics teacher aunt and grandmother proud in the end.

 

Day 14 NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Comments

Posted by on April 15, 2013 in PonderQs

 

Tags: , ,

2 responses to “Lorraine, I Will Hunt You Down

    • CurlyQ

      May 21, 2013 at 3:57 am

      Thanks for the link. Hope your quiche turned out better than mine did!!

       

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