Post #4, I think. Another about Ireland, or rather, life beyond Ireland.
It only took me nearly my whole life to get to Ireland. Let’s say 35 years of dreaming and planning then disappointment after disappointment when plans fell through and finally success at 42.
I accomplished the goal but now I’m in a strange limbo because I don’t have anything on the “must do / see / experience” list that’s burning a hole of desire in my heart like I had when trying to get to Ireland for all those years.
I made a conscious decision to live presently while in Ireland and it ended up being remarkably easy to do. I didn’t spend time daydreaming or worrying, and while I periodically thought of the people and pets I love, I wasn’t concerned about them or missing them terribly.
And work never crossed my mind from the second I drove away from home. I didn’t give it another thought until I was driving back from the airport. The I had the “Oi, geez,” gulp when I remembered the workload I was returning to.
This will sound odd perhaps but I feel a similar sensation to what I did when my dog Scout died suddenly a few years ago. After the initial shock and grief, I was absolutely content, calm and ready to move on. I had loved Scout so well that I was free to love well again. Anyone who’s been reading this blog knows, that has now translated into my having three dogs and two cats!
Moments of sadness that the trip had come to a close already felt deeply, I departed Ireland ready to carry on. The entire experience sits comfortably in the centre of my being like a home-coming. It is now a knowing that I kind of always had about the place and have now confirmed. Like my Scout, Ireland will never go anywhere and I can call on it in my mind’s eye and be right back in the bog or on a mountain top or by the sea just as effortlessly as I can close my eyes and feel Scout’s chin resting in the palm of my hand.
But the question that’s been niggling its way from the back of my brain to the forefront is, “Now what?”
I don’t know what to aim for. There are tons of interesting things to do and go see but I think I’ll save my money for now. It’s just so odd to not have a goal on the horizon that I’m striving toward; refusing to let challenge, strife or obstacle keep me from it.
Now what … hmmmmm …
Maybe this calm and quiet in my heart and mind is the room I need for a new dream to germinate. I thought it was worth acknowledging simply because it feels so strange and is surprising to feel.
I will keep my heart open and listen for opportunities and ideas that strike my fancy. In the meantime, I’ll love the life right in front of me because I have much to be grateful for. I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth surrounded by more nature than most people can even dream of seeing or experiencing.
Although … it was suggested that I could put a canoe in at Limerick and paddle inland on the Shannon for several days and I could fly fish and hike and explore that way …
HA! Okay, maybe the dreaming has already begun, quietly.