Do you ever feel like you have something to say or an idea to work out but each time you put “pen to paper” nothing happens?
This has been going on for a while now where I start to write but the thoughts go everywhere and nowhere. I can tell the content isn’t what I really want to write about so I delete it, but I don’t know what it is that I do want to write about either so I end up walking away with nothing written down.
You can’t outrun a conundrum like this. Everywhere you go, there you are!
Frustrating! I think I’ll eat a chocolate peanut butter cup while I lament having to just be in this uncomfortable stuck place.
If I had to guess, I think this restlessness might be the beginning of a new idea or goal being cultivated deep within but I haven’t yet tapped into what that is consciously.
A-ha! Instead of frustration, I should feel excited anticipation and eat another chocolate peanut butter cup to celebrate! (Helloooo discount Halloween candy)
Well I’m not being entirely helpless and drowning my discomfort in cheap chocolate. I started my third attempt at a 21-day meditation online program with Oprah and Deepak Chopra yesterday.
My friends tease me that I attend the Church of O because I like to watch her Super Soul Sunday show, but it works well for me here. I reside in a hamlet that has about 50 residents from September to May. It can be especially challenging to get to town an hour away with snow and ice conditions so instead, I get my weekly uplifting fix via O on Sundays through television and the Twitter community that is also watching and commenting. The show gets me thinking critically about things and I usually end the hour feeling upbeat. So when I heard that Oprah Chopra was offering a 21-day meditation program, I decided to try and do it.
Apparently I’m terrible at meditation. The first time I joined in I got bored and goofed around or fell asleep during the meditation. After a few days of fighting through, I opted for the extra hour of daily sleep and abandoned meditation all together.
The next time it was offered, life was so hectic that my efforts were comically in opposition to the actual point of meditation. I didn’t start the program until about Day 7 and did several sessions at a time to catch up. Then I’d miss a day and do two at once and mostly fast-forward through Deepak’s talking bit so I could answer the journal questions like homework during the nice music when you’re supposed to be sitting in quiet repose.
I gave up finally on about Day 15 when I realized I was multi-tasking during the meditation and treating it like a check list.
- Logged on to meditation … check.
- Journal questions answered … check.
- Next, dishes and laundry…
Well that was no good and not in the right spirit of the program so I stopped.
Perhaps third time’s a charm? I’ve started off like gangbusters – okay fine it’s just Day 2 but still, I’m rocking it!!! I got up early without struggle and actually sat quietly yet alert through the meditation, journalling AFTERward. I feel good too; ready to seize the day and optimistic when I’m done.
My favourite part of the entire experience has always been when Deepak says, “I’ll mind the time.” There’s something about that that I like. Even though I know it’s all pre-recorded, I envision him sitting quietly beside me with a pocket watch in one hand and a tiny bell in the other and he’s silently cheering for me to successfully move through the next 10 minutes of quiet. Which is weird because I spend a lot of time by myself and in quiet contemplation but something about this conscious meditation is difficult for me.
So, I’m being proactive about discovering new desires and actualizing them. Maybe 21 days of meditating with O and Dee will help ease the restless, unconscious idea that’s bugging me to the surface where I can see it in the light of day, articulate it and begin planning how to accomplish it.
That’s my plan and (as of 9.5 hours shy of Day 3’s meditating) I’m sticking to it!
P.S. Just posting this now after having finished Day 3’s meditation. I got the giggles. Good grief, Charlie Brown. Am I 10 years old?!
My stomach was making this bizarre gurgle-growl with every single breath like someone blowing bubbles in their milk and when I couldn’t hold it together anymore and cracked up, I opened my eyes to find my young dog standing beside me with her nose an inch away from my stomach and her head tipping from side to side trying to figure out what the sound was too.
Is there a rule that meditation should be serious? Hopefully not. They’d kick me out of the ashram for sure.